what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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