16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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