Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
