How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
