My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
