there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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