who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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