I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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