So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
