Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
