One girl and one boy is just not enough.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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