I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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