It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
