Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
