Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
