I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
