I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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