We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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