I wish my penis had an off switch
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
