Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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