Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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