Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
