you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
