I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize