So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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