i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
