i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
