hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
