You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
