His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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