Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
