Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
