dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Houston, we have a squirter
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
