dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
