I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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