I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
