Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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