I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
