Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
