literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
