hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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