Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im holly from the hills drunk
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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