Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
