I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize