I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
