I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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