...so i touched it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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