You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
