I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
