Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
