So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
birth control should be required to get into college
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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