Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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