Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
