I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
