The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
