just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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