it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
