i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My liver just had a heart attack.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
