I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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