Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
