I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
