im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
