You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
