I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
